Blessed are the Forgetful

How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! -Alexander Pope

I fell in love with you.

We talked about the future like it was right there.

Like it was right within our reach.

Like tomorrow we would have our house, kids, and wedding rings.

I got on airplanes to make tomorrow come sooner.

We talked all day about the future.

How much we loved each other.

How no matter what, “us” would always be on the table.

Your goal used to be to make me smile every day.

My goal used to be to keep it together long enough for you to stay.

We drifted.

I watched “Eternal Sunshine” about seven times three years after we broke up.

In hopes that this would give me some closure.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that closure simply does not exist.

If it existed, I’d still not be watching that movie.

I never understood the point of erasing all memories, good and bad.

For those memories are part of our core.

They make us who we are.

I’d rather not be defined by you.

I’d rather have the good memories erased.

Why would I want to remember our life together?

When instead I could remember what it was like to be an option.

What it’s like not being an option.

See, memories are tricky.

There’s too much bad to be found within the good.

Maybe I’d erase all the memories of you after all.

Blessed would be my mind free of woe and love.

That’s it.

I’d be free.

I’d not see your face and think of sorrowful love.

No stinging pain in my eyes.

Eternal sunshine in my spotless mind.

So empty would be the brain.

My core erased.

But maybe I’d see your face.

Hear your voice.

I’d fall in love with you.

We’d talk about the future like it was right there.

Like it’s right within our reach.